| Codependency ... |
Codependency is a term coined in the 1980’s at the onset of the recovery
movement. The description of codependent originally applied to people who
were closely involved with an alcoholic or other substance abuser.
Just as
the user becomes addicted to his/her substance so the codependent develops
behaviors in response to the addict’s behaviors.
The sum of these dysfunctional behaviors is called codependency.
Since it’s origin the term has come to be associated with an individual’s
maladaptive emotional, spiritual, & behavioral response to dysfunction of
any kind. In our day-to-day lives we obviously are influenced by those we
interact with frequently. This interaction is a normal part of life and can
be a healthy and positive influence. But if you find that your thoughts,
feelings or actions are greatly determined by how another person acts you
may be codependent.
If you are codependent you probably feel like you are “always the one doing
everything for everybody.” Unfortunately, no one seems to notice or
appreciate all your efforts and nothing seems to change. Overtime, you may
feel drained of your emotional, physical, and spiritual resources.
Helping and caring for another person shouldn’t mean becoming consumed and
controlled by their behaviors. Chances are your codependent behavior
innocently evolved from your childhood years as a coping mechanism. What
once served as a coping mechanism has now become an unmanageable way of life.
If you identify with much of the following abbreviated checklist, taken from
the book Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie, you may benefit from
counseling to explore healthier ways of relating to others.
- Do you feel responsible for other people’s feelings, thoughts, actions,
choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, and ultimate destiny?
- Do you criticize yourself for everything, including the way you think,
feel, look, act, and behave?
- Do you often feel different and isolated from the rest of the world?
- Do you struggle with the thought that anyone could possibly like or
love you?
- Do you demand perfection from yourself and condemn yourself for any
failings?
- Do you find yourself talking, thinking, and worrying about other
people’s problems most of the time?
- Do you have a difficult time expressing your emotions honestly, openly,
and appropriately?
- Do you feel you’ve lost faith and God has abandoned you?
- Do you find it difficult to have fun or be spontaneous?
- Do you find your mood changing depending on the mood of those closest
to you?
- Do you find yourself in relationships (romantic/or friendships) which
you know are not healthy for you but you feel unable to say no to or
unable to pull out of?
The information on this page is general in nature and not
intended as a substitute for a professional clinical evaluation.
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