A mother’s body experiences the changes of a new life growing within her
often before she is aware she is pregnant. During the first three months of
gestation, the many biological, emotional and relational changes can be
overwhelming to the mother. For some, pregnancy is a time of ambivalence.
A mother is most vulnerable during this time.
Miscarriage & Stillbirth
If the baby is a dream realized, along with nausea and weariness, joy fills
the mother’s heart. She will bond with her baby before the baby’s father.
Often it takes feeling the first kick, ultra-sound or even holding his child
in his arms, before his emotional bow to his child is tied.
When parents carry and birth a baby it is usually a time for
celebration. In some cases, a baby does not survive the final months/days
of gestation and the empty arms of mom and dad are heavy with loss, guilt,
remorse and confusion. When a baby dies, family and friends seldom know how
to comfort the grieving parents. Many cannot find words, or sometimes
understand the enormity of losing a baby at whatever stage of pregnancy. In
the attempt to assist and support the sorrowful mother, they might actually
speak words that deepen her pain.
Infertility
For some couples, the above experiences
would be at least a sign that conception is possible. Even the tragedy of
miscarriage would speak to them that pregnancy is possible. The yearning of
their hearts to conceive, carry and birth a child colors everything; their
relationship with God, with each other and with friends. The sexual covenant
of their marriage can be strained by fertility assistance and their
relationship becomes stressed. There is no death memorial for a dream.
Couples who are told that they cannot conceive carry in their hearts a
unique sense of grief and loss.
Abortion
If the pregnancy is a surprise and the
mother is frightened, unsupported and alone, she is at great risk. Sometimes
in an attempt to establish emotional equilibrium, she chooses abortion as a
means to end her anxiety and conflict. Women who have chosen abortion often
live as the "walking wounded". Their pain is wrapped in shame and tucked
into the farthest recesses of memory, or it lies just beneath the surface
and flares like an angry sore at those we love the most. Abortion is a
transforming event in the life of most women and many men. It has the power
to impact many levels of their lives with self hatred, distrust, anger and
inability to find intimacy.
If any of the following apply to you regarding the loss of a child,
please call us:
- Confusion
- Anxiety
- Withdrawal
- Self-hatred
- Depression
- Bitterness
- Anger
- Hopelessness
- Helplessness
- Suicidal impulses
- Distrusting
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