A mother’s body experiences the changes of a new life growing within her often before she is aware she is pregnant. During the first three months of gestation, the many biological, emotional and relational changes can be overwhelming to the mother. For some, pregnancy is a time of ambivalence. A mother can be very vulnerable during this time.
A mother’s body experiences the changes of a new life growing within her often before she is aware she is pregnant. During the first three months of gestation, the many biological, emotional and relational changes can be overwhelming to the mother. For some, pregnancy is a time of ambivalence. A mother can be very vulnerable during this time.
If the baby is a dream realized, along with nausea and weariness, joy fills the mother’s heart. She will bond with her baby before the baby’s father. Often it takes feeling the first kick, ultra-sound or even holding his child in his arms, before his emotional connection to his child is tied.
When parents carry and birth a baby it is usually a time for celebration. In some cases, a baby does not survive the final months/days of gestation and the empty arms of mom and dad are heavy with loss, guilt, remorse and confusion. When a baby dies, family and friends seldom know how to comfort the grieving parents. Many cannot find words, or sometimes understand the enormity of losing a baby at whatever stage of pregnancy. In the attempt to assist and support the sorrowful mother, they might actually speak words that deepen her pain.
For some couples, the above experiences would be at least a sign that conception is possible. Even the tragedy of miscarriage would reassure them that pregnancy is possible. The yearning of their hearts to conceive, carry and birth a child colors everything; with each other, with friends and even with God. The sexual covenant of their marriage can be strained by fertility assistance and their relationship becomes stressed. There is no death memorial for a dream.
Couples who are told that they cannot conceive carry in their hearts a unique sense of grief and loss.
If the pregnancy is a surprise and the mother is frightened, unsupported and alone, she is at great risk. Sometimes in an attempt to establish emotional equilibrium, she chooses abortion as a means to end her anxiety and conflict. Women who have chosen abortion often live as the “walking wounded”. Their pain is wrapped in shame and tucked into the farthest recesses of memory, or it lies just beneath the surface and flares like an angry sore at those we love the most.
Abortion is a transforming event in the life of most women and many men. It has the power to impact many levels of their lives with self-hatred, distrust, anger and an inability to find intimacy.
If you are struggling emotionally and believe it may be related to one of the areas mentioned here we hope you will reach out for help. You do not have to struggle alone and there is much that can be done to heal and recover. Call our client relationship coordinator at (614) 888-9200 to learn more about how we can support you.
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Directions Counseling & Coaching provides therapy services throughout greater Columbus, in person at our Powell location or online, for adults, kids, couples, and families.
